Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Scenes from a Marriage: Morning

Eyes open. Heave out of bed. Feet in slippers. Coffee pot turned on to grind beans and start brewing process. Me makes up bed while GMR puts seed out for birds/squirrels. Wash face . . . etc.

There is a dance and rhythm to the morning.
Me and GMR want to get to that pot of coffee as soon as it finishes brewing, pour a cup (black for me; cream and sugar for GMR).

Me trudge trudges to coffee pot; hair askew, face dragging the ground.

Chipper Dipper GMR is between coffee and Me.

Me: “Urghhhherrrghhhhhh . . .” *Imagine Frankenstein asking for coffee*

GMR: “What?”

Me: “Ugrreehhrhhrhrhrgrhhhhhgrrrr . . .” points to coffee cup. *translation: Me want coffee now, move outta way. Me want coffee NOW!”

GMR: “Well, Good Morning to you, too!” (said a bit snippity high horse if Me asks me). Pours Me a cup and hands it over.

Me: “Ugrhh . . .” then, “I couldn’t sleep . . . I’m discombobulated. Coffee. Need.”

GMR: Said uber concerninglingly and innocentinglyly: “Did your back pain keep you up, hmmmmmmmm?”

Me: Gives him That Look. “Um, noooo. Your noises kept me up.” *AGAIN is implied here*

GMR: “Noises? I made noises?”

Me: My inside voice: *OMG! How many times do we have to go through this? How many times I have to tell him?* “Yes, your noises.”

GMR: “Me or the (cpap) machine?”

Me: *how . . . many . . . times . . . must . . . we . . . go . . . et cetera . . . * “Both! I was awakened about fifty-galleven million times …ughrhhhgrrrr.” (Just want coffee).

GMR: “I made noise?”

Me: Gives That Look again. “I can’t remember when I’ve had a full good night’s sleep. I mean . . . it’s like this:” *Me mimics the sound of gale force wind gusting through a narrow lead pipe.*

GMR: Says nothing. But his inside voice is saying, *Boy is she cranky! Oh well, doop doop, beep beep blorp blick flickering inner television screen..... She'll get over it. Do do do do do la la la..images from Law & Order, Food Network, Jeopardy ... blip blorp... ....Well, I’ll just be the best ole husband I can be the rest of the day and she’ll forget about all this can’t sleep because of some noise that’s probably nothing at all and she’s making a big deal of out of what’s nothing at all business. *** white noise white noise white noise white noise****

Me: Takes coffee and sludgers away to her laptop. *I swear! I can't sleep! I'm sooooo tired! I'm soooo sick of whooooosh whoooooosh WOOOO WOWOO WOOOOOwhooooshhh, and another thing, while I'm at it . . . hey, SHINY THING SHINY THING SHIINNNNNYYY THINNNNNGGGG IS DISTRACTING ME -- and . . . that . . .who what where when how why . . . did I do those edits? Hey, here's some email, oh wait, there's a facebook message, oh, twitter . . . ***music music earworm music ....* and boy he makes me mad when . . . where did I put my . . . I'm hungry** *

GMR: GMR has his cup and goes to his computer. **white noise white noise white noise white noise white noise . . . online crossword puzzle white noise puzzle white noise**

How it Could Go, and Perhaps A Version of How It Has Gone:

Me: “Good Morning! That coffee sure smells good!”

GMR: “Well, here’s a nice fresh cup!”

Me: “Thank you! *sip* hmmm doggies! That’s some good coffee!” Big Fat Morning Smile.

GMR: “Uh huh.” Fiddle dee dee with his cream and sugar.

Me: *takes a sip of good ole coffee* "Hey, by the waysies, GMR ole buddy, ole pal: I had a hard time sleeping last night. Maybe it’s time to have that ole zippity do dah day cpap machine fixed, or something, tootle lee doo? Might be a good idea to look into it!” *Big Arse Happy Go Lucky Ain't Life Grand Smile*

GMR: “Huhn . . .uh huh. Maybe so. I'll look into it. Yessirree indeedy do!” GMR's inside voice says, *I don’t want to deal with that; so I’ll just be the best ole husband I can be the rest of the day and she’ll just forget about all this can’t sleep stuff, fix the whatever ***Flickering TV Screen, crossword puzzle, blip blorp . . . White noise white noise white noise white noise*** . . .

Me: Walks away with coffee. Inside voice: *I am SOOOOO tired. Unghhhh. I'm so . . .. SHINY THING SHINY THING . . . *



JudithAlef said...

Oh boy do I know that one!!! cpap is like living next to a tire shop w/ pneumatics. Sleep? nah. Hose come off and I get PDA w/ aspergers. Me start conversation, look over at spousal unit, "hey"... "I heard you." end of 'conversation'. deep sigh.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

This just made me realize how much I dislike mornings.

Travis Erwin said...

I've been battling the inability to sleep as well. Not fun but have got a lot of writing finished.

Debbie said...

We haven't quite gotten to that cpap - yet! I know it is inevitable. I can tell by the freight train snoring that sometimes keeps me awake:)

Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

Been there...done that. Hubby had sinus surgery, throat snoring surgery, CPAP, etc. Finally I got smart and converted guest room into my bedroom and writing sanctuary. Now we both sleep great!

Oh, BTW...those things that go bump in the night are two oldies feeling around in the dark hallways for each other! LOL!!!!

Rick said...

You guys need a Robo-Servant to sing to you in the morning and bring you breakfast in bed!

Marguerite said...

My ex used to serve me coffee in bed, and quietly leave me alone, for a few hours. That was his good side. His bad side was the never ending snoring. OMG! lol I feel your pain!

Debra said...

I totally and 100% endorse what Donna M. Kohlstrom said above. My hubby has the ole c-pap thingy too!

Deb Shucka said...

Boy does this sound familiar - both versions of the conversation. I'm laughing out loud and hoping you get some good sleep soon. :-)